This month we are celebrating senior dogs and their sweet sugarfaces!
Today’s special guest is 14 1/2 yr old Louie, showing off his sunshiny sugarface all the way from Elk Grove, California!
Sugarface or Beach Bum? You decide.
Dogs and Loss – The Healing Power of Pets
In our earlier posts, we’ve talked about dealing with the loss of a dog and how an existing dog senses the loss and how they react. But what about when a family member passes away, does the dog sense this loss as well? If so, how do they handle it? Moreover, is our dog able to sense our grief? Can a dog help their human owner through the process of grief and bereavement? Is there really such a thing as the healing power of pets?
Today in our ongoing series on Dogs and Loss, we will talk with someone who lost their spouse, and how their dog has played a role in their grieving and recovery process.
Sunset walk by the river in New Orleans
Our guest today is Venus and her dog Belle.
Venus and Belle
Thank you so much for talking with us today Venus, and thank-you for your willingness to speak so freely. In my own experience I find that talking is the biggest part of healing and yet while people freely discuss the loss of a pet, there is some hesitancy to discuss the loss of a human family member once the funeral has concluded and day to day life has resumed.
Now, please tell us about your husband:
Well, here goes…My husband Robert “Pup” and I were married for 36 wonderful years. We always had pets, either a dog or two dogs. Every single day we took a beautiful sunset walk with our four-legged companion(s). We had a happy, full incredible life!
On Saturday Jan. 8, 2011, we took our dog Belle to the river and dog park for a great sunset walk. The air was very very cold, wind blowing, the kind of sunset you dream about. We got home, Pup watched the football playoffs with Belle and I worked in my office until 10:30 pm. At 12:20 a. m on Jan. 9, 2011 Pup tucked Belle and I in to bed, we all said our I love you’s hugged, and Pup went back in the living room to eat his Blue Bell ice cream, cookies and watch TV.
I got up to close the bedroom door and saw my happy happy Pup howling with laughter, the huge carton of ice cream on his tv tray. At 4:30am I got up to use the bathroom and I noticed Pup was halfway off the sofa. I tried frantically to wake him up, but couldn’t. I called 911, put Belle in the bedroom, unlocked the gate and the entire street was filled with EMS, firefighters. They came in 5 minutes. They worked on Pup hooked up the machine, but couldn’t restart his heart. They rushed him to the ER to try more complicated procedures. I sped over there, and within a few minutes of my arrival two doctors came out, and held my hands. In that instant I knew he was with God. At that moment, one heart stopped and another one, mine broke into a million pieces. I sat with him, told him how much I loved him, and walked home in the driving freezing rain.
When I got home I leashed up Belle and we walked at dawn for hours in the freezing rain. No coat, no umbrella we just walked.
I can imagine that the first days/weeks were a bit of a blur. Do you recall how Belle was during this time? Was she eating/sleeping/acting differently? Were you concerned for her?
Tired Belle
Yes, you’re right, the next few days were a blur of activity, funeral arrangements etc. During this time, Belle sat in her Daddy Pup’s chair and wouldn’t walk. She kept looking for him to come through the kitchen door. And then on Thursday that week I got home late and realized to my shock Belle couldn’t walk. I rushed her to ER, where they diagnosed a severely lacerated paw, and she had to have immediate surgery. The vet said she had probably been trying to dig out from underneath the chain link fence in our backyard. I think she saw the ambulance take her daddy away and she was going to look for him. She recovered after a few weeks and her paw was fine.
Compounding your situation is the fact that you are a small family, just you, Pup and Belle, correct?
Yes, our situation is more complicated since the family was just me, Pup and Belle. We lived in a world that revolved around our family unit of three, and death had never been considered or discussed. Pup was only 63 years old and had just passed a physical. He had a sudden heart attack and died in less than one minute, so no suffering for which I am grateful. However, in this life there is no greater shock than “life interrupted”. Every single aspect, of your life changes in an instant. My darling canine daughter Belle is the constant in my life. My one and only constant.
Do you think Belle ‘knows’ what has happened?
Yes, I can say with confidence that Belle to this day knows something is different. When Belle was injured that first week and I didn’t even notice it, I was so much in shock, it jarred me back into reality, she is my rock and she is my responsibility.
Every night when we go to bed, I pet Belle and tell her, “Your daddy is still here, you can’t see him, but he is here and he loves you very much and is taking very good care of you.”
Do you feel that the basic responsibilities of dog ownership compelled you to keep up with certain routines, i.e. getting up, taking her out, buying her food etc? What I’m trying to say is that if you didn’t have to do these things, if you didn’t have a dog, would you have reacted differently.
Candidly, if I didn’t have Belle, I don’t think I could have gotten through the last year. I would just be a person who lay in bed day and night staring at the ceiling. Belle gives me love and she gives me hope. I look into her ever smiling face and in it I see a reflection of that last sunset walk with my husband Pup.
Having lost your husband, do you worry more about the fragility of your now smaller family unit?
I find that I have real hyper vigilance since I lost Pup. I worry that something might happen to Belle. I have to constantly remind myself that she is okay. She has recently been diagnosed with epilepsy, but she has the best care possible, and she is a healthy happy little girl.
Have you thought about getting another dog?
I had every intention of getting another dog, so the family would be three again. A shoulder and back injury last fall that are slow healing have put that plan on hold for awhile.
Any other thoughts or things you’d like to share that may help others?
Never ever underestimate the healing power of pets. No matter how much else in your life is falling apart and believe me after the sudden death of a spouse, you go into a nearly year-long freefall, your pet will always be there. Their unconditional love will get you through anything. That is why god gives us pets. That is why he gave us Belle. I sincerely believe that God knew he would need Pup in heaven to help him, so he made sure I had Belle to take care of me here on earth.
Thank you for sharing your story with us Venus, as you know our focus has been on Dogs and Loss and your story will certainly strike a chord with many of our readers. I’m wondering though if you could offer us any general advice/thoughts on how we as ‘outsiders’ in this story could be of help to someone in your situation. My experience has been that people are uneasy talking about someone who has passed away and mostly want to change the subject.
For any of us brave enough to face the topic, please take this moment and this space to give us some advice. Do you want us to ask about Pup? Do you want us to offer to walk Belle?
Venus and Pup
The best thing a well intentioned friend can do is call the person who has suffered the loss. Call, e-mail, stay in touch and let them talk about the departed loved one. Just knowing you are not alone, when your world has been shattered is what counts. It is invaluable in time of need. I was lucky, I had that. In fact, I had so many people stopping by at all hours with food I could have opened a restaurant.
A week or so later when you can finally face eating again, it so appreciated. I personally started sharing my memories of Pup on Facebook and I was fortunate enough to have people in my daily life who listened and, in fact, still listen to all my memories about him.
Just letting the person know you are there for them, is the most important thing. Letting them know you care. The sudden death of a spouse or loved one is the hardest thing any human will ever have to face and when you know that you won’t have to face it alone, means everything to the one left behind.
Thank you for that, I know it will be a help to many people in years to come.
If you would like to read more about Belle, check out an earlier post that she was featured in “A Day in the Life of – Belle an ‘every’ dog in New Orleans”
Categories: West Coast Dogs
Tags: bereavement, grief, grieving, healing power of pets, loss, New Orleans, recovery
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Lilith and her Sugarface!
This month we are celebrating senior dogs and their sweet sugarfaces!
Today’s special guest is 13 yr old Lilith, showing off her spooky sweet sugarface all the way from Killeen, Texas Y’all!
Categories: West Coast Dogs
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Dogs and Loss – Getting to know Ziggy and Moxie and Joey and Ringo
Today we are continuing our series on Dogs and Loss. We felt that today being Valentine’s Day it was appropriate to tell a love story and this story seems to have all the elements, love, gold, a wedding and, not to give the ending away, but a happily ever after.
Ziggy 'in' Love
Nicole, tells us about your beloved dog Ziggy:
Oh Ziggy was such a blessing in our life. We knew we would get a dog when we bought a home and when we did in April 2008, we started looking at rescues. Dan and I both loved Golden Retrievers and we are so lucky to have the Delaware Valley Golden Retriever Rescue (DVGRR) close to us in Philadelphia.
We went to a meet and greet and fell in love with the organization. DVGRR is a no-kill shelter that treats their Golden’s like, like, gold! Very clean, large play areas, excellent food quality and socialization lessons. The adoption process was very detailed, I joke that it is easy to adopt a baby than a dog at DVGRR. It is their high ethical standards and treatment of the Golden’s that Dan and I made DVGRR our “charity of choice”.
When we were approved, we were so excited. We were matched with 3 separate dogs that met our requirements (cat-friendly!) and Ziggy was it! He was a Daddy’s boy from the start. Dan knew right away Ziggy was for us, I still needed proof. Well, 5 minutes in the play field sealed the deal. He was playful yet gentle!
Ziggy was 9 when we adopted him and although he had been moved 3 times before we came along, he was a gentle lug who loved people. He never met a food he didn’t like, minus a piece of green pepper he vacuumed up off the floor and promptly dropped. He was so smart and had tricks and learned quickly. His sweet demeanor made us break our original rule, no dogs on the bed!!
In November of 2010, in the middle of the night, Dan and I woke to the sound of Ziggy having a seizure. It was fairly long and we were so, so frightened. After the seizure, once he regained his orientation, we went to the Ryan Hospital at University of Pennsylvania. We are very lucky to have one of the best animal hospitals close to us. After they ran tests, they told us Ziggy had a menginoma (brain tumor). Although he was 12, the neuro team felt Ziggy was strong enough to handle surgery to remove it. This provided us with the potential of several years, rather than several months with conventional drug therapy and/or radiation.
We debated. Was it worth putting our boy through it? Would it hurt? Was it wrong or selfish of us? We decided that if we didn’t try everything we could to make our “baby boy” feel better, than we would regret it.
Ziggy had surgery and came through with flying colors. The docs felt they got it all and he would be recovering for at least 1 month until the radiation study. We waited 2 months because we didn’t feel he was strong enough and he was doing well on meds.
Knowing what we do know, I don’t regret our treatment plan though I think if it arose again, we may decide differently. Before the radiation study started, they took another Xray. The tumor had grown back. We were disappointed but completed the study and continued medical therapy. We were on way to the chapel in April 2011 (literally, we were getting married in South Carolina and Ziggy was to be our ring bearer) when we noticed he was lethargic, having some difficulty getting up and moving. On the night of our rehearsal, he fell into a deep sleep that we almost didn’t get him out of. We got him to the vet and with antibiotics and fluids and he perked up a bit. The vet kept him overnight and would keep an eye on him for our wedding. He had a good day and Dan and I got married and although we missed our boy, there was great comfort in knowing he was in the right place should he fall ill again. I think he was hanging on for us.
Handsome Ziggy
We picked him up the day after our wedding, stayed at the condo with him as friends and family stopped by to say goodbye. In the evening, Ziggy was faltering again, needing help to get outside to the bathroom. He also was having strange discharge from his eyes and nose. The vet believed Ziggy had stayed strong during recovery from the surgery and the radiation that his immune system wasn’t as strong and he was on the losing side of an infection. We knew he wouldn’t be able to make the trip to Philly so we made the hardest decision any pet parent can make. I still cry thinking about it. Ziggy was our first dog and we shared so many special memories. We traveled together often, he was our first dog and still the dog I compare all others too. I grew up with cats but never knew I would be so attached to a dog!
Did you always know you’d get another dog?
Yes, we did. I think once you become used to that standard of well, mutual loyalty, I think you want it in your life no matter what. And I do believe that your life can be absolutely amazing but when you add the companionship on a pet, cat or dog or whatever, you life improves infinitely.
When did you decide it was time (to get Moxie)? Did you have any hesitation?
Oddly enough, Dan and I had adopted a cat when we lived in Seattle, long before
Joey Chubbs
Ziggy came around. Joey Chubbs was our first friend in Seattle and we spoiled him. (He was a big, fat 22 lb Ragamuffin. He was a Garfield! He was also a lovebug!) He was also 9 when we adopted and was 12 when he passed from Oral Squamous Cell Carcinoma (3 weeks after the cruel diagnosis).
I was so upset when he passed, Dan encouraged me to go to the shelter with him “just to look”. That’s where we found Ringo. He is a beautiful grey tabby that was found wondering the streets of North Philly (so he’s tough!). Dan and I talked and thought “hey, he’s cute, let’s do it” but my heart wasn’t in it. Joey’s passing was still too fresh. It took me a long time to warm up to Ringo. He wasn’t Joey. He didn’t look like him or act like him. I couldn’t let RIngo have his own personality until I properly grieved. Which I feel bad for Ringo because he didn’t get the affection right away that I had lavished on Joey. Happily, Ringo and I now good buddies, but he is still a tough little city cat!
So that experience was too soon. But with Ziggy, I think we knew we were on borrowed time when it came to a brain tumor so we did make sure Ziggy was spoiled and constantly told him how much we loved him. It was like starting the recovery process early. We cried and cried when he passed but we also had a certain peace of knowing he was not in pain anymore.
Ziggy and Ringo - Festive Friends
Everyone is different but you know when you are ready. I believe that. We contacted DVGRR to work their magic and we adopted Moxie only 6 weeks after Zig had passed. The house had been empty long enough and Ringo was DEPRESSED. He didn’t love-love Ziggy and but cat-tolerated him, but in that brotherly way. He stayed upstairs and wouldn’t hang out with us. He missed his buddy. I was sad, Dan was sad. We had free time and we were like, what do we do now? I missed a snout at the door welcoming me home. And Dan was waiting for me, based on the Joey experience. Even family and friends said “take your time” but we were ready.
- Here’s Moxie!
Do you find yourself comparing Moxie to Ziggy?
I do, but in a good way I think. If they were very similar, I think that would be harder. Moxie was a breeder dog who managed to come out relatively unscathed. And a youngin’ at 7 years old (estimated), she provided some new challenges we haven’t seen before. At first she would only potty on grass (not easy in the city). She is not a toy or ball dog and she liked to get into a car, but not a fan of getting out of it. She was a little hesitant on stairs but she already mastered them quickly. The cat and her are fine together and at our park we discovered she loves squirrels.
She is a fun addition to our family and completely different from Zig. Zig was a refined gentlemen, Moxie is a bull in a china closet. She is also a Momma’s girl and I have fun changing up her collars from RescueMeCollars.com (shameless plug), and sweaters and jewelry. (Manly Ziggy did not care for a wardrobe, he prefered the naked look.) Moxie is so cool she doesn’t care as long as she gets pet. She is an amazing dog, on her own merits.
When you got Moxie did you find yourself reminiscing about similar times with Ziggy?
Not so much, surprisingly. If they had been more similar in personality, possibly. But how Moxie reacts, versus Ziggy are very different.
What advice would you offer to others who are in the process of or who have lost a dog to similar circumstances?
A couple of things. I believe in surrounding yourselves with friends who understand pet loss and don’t hold it in. I may not have kids but I would never surround myself with anyone who dare utter the words “oh well its just a dog or cat”. Those are the types of people who don’t understand true pet companionship (and not ownership, trust me, my pets own me!),
Donna from DVGRR sent me an email when Ziggy passed. She was our matchmaker extraordinaire (twice!!!). She said this to me and it has warmed my soul.
“……even though you sometimes feel like you could never love another dog as much as the one that has passed away, somehow the new dog works his or her way into your heart just the same and your soul always has the capacity to love and bond again. It doesn’t take anything away from the previous dog, just adds to the joy that they all bring to our lives. And each dog from before smiles down on the newcomer and whispers in their ears how to get the best treats, ear skritches, snoozing spots, etc!…”
And I love the quote running around social media sites about a dog’s last will and testament. I think there is no better legacy for a beloved pet than to open your heart again to another needy soul. The joy I have of being a pet parent with Moxie is due to Ziggy. I still look at his picture everyday and smile. He taught me a lot….and now he is teaching Moxie!
Moxie's happily ever after....
Categories: West Coast Dogs
Tags: brain tumor, DVGRR, Golden Retriever, menginoma, seizure, socialization
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